This is a personal journal documenting my studies in art - mainly just a place to keep notes and to organize my thoughts better than I could in a handwritten journal (you can't do a search in a paper journal, or post live links). My ultimate goal is oil painting, but I want to start with developing my grasp of the basics in drawing.
Wednesday, September 17, 2014
Mug shot
Finally the dry spell breaks. I was just sitting here looking at this mug shot (not sure if it's real or fake) from one of the google ads ("{Name of your town} is rocked by this website!!" - arrest records) and was admiring the great bony structures in her face as well as the very strong composition in the pose and the tilted sideward thrust. I tend to like unconventionally attractive women like this who look tough and strong, like Julia Styles, Ronda Rousy, Meisha Tate, etc. It's why I started doing the female MMA fighter series in the first place really.
Ok, I've accomplished my goals on this one, no reason to keep laboring on the non-essential parts. This way it draws attention to the focal area of the eyes, brows and corrugated forehead and detail falls away elsewhere. I know it looks crappy but I just don't care - I see absolutely no reason to make this a finished painting, it's just a copy of a photograph. Aside from wanting to figure out how to do the forehead creases I was mainly concerned with color value - getting the mids and darks dark enough to create a sense of solidity and roundness of form. This is a recurring problem for me - I tend to think I've got it all nailed and then very gradually realize my mids and darks are waaay too light. So I darken them up, hoping I haven't overdone it, and after a while realize they're still too light.
It could use some more work but I nailed the basics and have reached the point where thinking about working on it more fills me with an overpowering aversion.
Oh, and I was also interested in developing the rounded bony forms of the face - the upper face specifically, meaning forehead, brow ridge and nose. This is something shared by all the 'tough chicks' I tend to dig.
Shortly after what I wrote last time I realized the reason for the aversion was my abdominal issues - they tend to creep up on me and I don't notice them at first, but they make me feel awful and develop an aversion to - everything really. Feeling somewhat better now and decided it would be a shame to just leave it looking as bad as it did. Still needs a bit more - especially the hand and a little bit of background love.
Sunday, September 14, 2014
Marble menagerie
Ok, not really marble, unglazed porcelain actually - but they do look like classical statues, sort of. I decided to order a few of the Unicorn Studio sculptures in hopes of breaking out of this slump - when I get new art stuff in it usually gets me raring to go. And I was getting a little annoyed that all the casts I already had were incomplete - just pieces of people. These are complete and graceful, and so realistic I think they must have been done from real models using a 3-D scanner and printer combo and probably finished by an artist. They're quite small - ranging from around 5 to 10 inches or so high (or long for the recliner) and pretty inexpensive - most of them run to $30, a couple a bit more.
Bought from Jatashop - links:
Male Sculptures
Female Sculptures
Scroll down and you'll see the Unicorn Studio sculptures near the bottom - they have several different versions of each in different finishes and sometimes different sizes. For drawing you want unglazed porcelain - it has the best surface and color for catching light and shadows perfectly. And if a larger version is available it will look better - the detailing is pretty soft on the smallest ones (but should be fine for drawing regardless - gonna find out anyway).
Really looking forward to drawing people with arms and legs and heads!!
Saturday, September 6, 2014
Deeper thoughts on Katsuya Terada
Since getting his book, I've become really fascinated with his art. I've spent a lot of time looking through it, focusing on individual pieces for much longer than I usually do. I once told a friend my theory that the average viewer will look at a piece for about one second for each hour the artist put in to creating it. Just a very rough estimate of course. But generally you get the 'feel' of a piece very quickly, and you'll only continue to look if there are interesting details or if you're an art student and really admire the technique. This definitely applies for artists like Frazetta, whose work is designed to read at a glance, so it will catch the eye rapidly on the small cover of a pocket paperback. He was concerned mostly with dynamism, so the eye moves fast across his work.
Then there are the more photorealistic artists - if their work is interesting you might spend more time perusing it because they put in a lot of realistic detail. This is especially true in today's illustration world where the art is made to resemble the CGI effects in blockbuster movies and video games. No more simple powerful dynamic design uncluttered with extraneous detail for the most part. It must look as much like photography as possible, with any effects resembling the CGI effects we're all so familiar with.
But Terra is different. There are many more who do this, but right now I'm using him as an example.
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| Looking like Manara's style here |
When I first started looking at his work, because of how well he can capture a sense of 3 dimensional solidity, I assumed he was probably atelier trained. But it rapidly became clear this is not the case, in fact he may well be entirely self-taught. But I do assume he did a lot of drawing from life, because his line knows how to wrap around forms perfectly. So do his brushstrokes. Well, sometimes anyway - I notice his work isn't consistent. Some are extremely 3 dimensional looking, some not at all. He switches up styles a lot. Or maybe the really excellent ones are when he has good photo reference? I don't know.
Sometimes he does use reference, but often he works without it, like comic book artists do (that's what he mostly is of course). Sometimes he's so playful he's more like a cartoonist.
Aside from this ability to capture 3 dimensionality (sometimes) however, his work would get pretty well ripped apart on Conceptart. I began to notice in particular that he never has a strong sense of exactly where the light source is. That's one of the things always being harped on, because there's a belief that art must replicate the physical/mechanistic aspects of reality perfectly. His light is always meandering and playful, it's where he needs it to be. It isn't enslaved to dull realism, but imaginative and creative.
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| How can there be a solid shadow under the chin, but not under the eyebrow ridge or the nose or underside of the top lip? |
There's also always a sense that he's making it all up as he goes. This is in direct contrast to the concept art methodology of meticulous planning, doing dozens of thumbnails, working out details through studies, etc. I assume he begins with a pretty good idea for a pose and maybe the face and/or body type, but the rest seems to be invented on the fly, and it looks like he has a blast doing it. He never worries about trifling details like if it would actually work. He puts huge thick metal cuffs on wrists and even weird places like the middle of a thigh, which would be incredibly inhibiting in real life! You'd never be able to put your legs together!! But he happily lets it grow as he goes forward, unrestrained by such real-life problems, which by the way don't actually exist in the imaginary world of art unless the artist decides they do.
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| Dig the metal cuffs all over the thigh! |
He comes from a manga background, and he uses line for everything, which I think is why he can invent so well - drawing line after line lends itself well to this kind of moment-to-moment creation. In fact it reminds me of stopmotion animation, which is distinguished from drawn animation and CGI by the fact that it must be done 'straight ahead' - laying down one frame after another in linear progression, with no chance to go back and change things later (opposed to the key framing technique which makes planning and changing so easy with the other methods). His art captures a strong sense of improvisation.
In fact, by a lot of standards, his art would be considered pretty amateurish! And yet I find it endlessly fascinating. Obviously a lot of people do - he's considered an artist's artist, one that many other artists look to for inspiration. I think what makes it work is the endless sense of invention and playfulness, and the fact that he's just so damn good he can somehow make it all work. When you look your eye is captivated and wants to spend a lot of time wandering in this magical realm.
Here'a quote from him I really dig, from his book Dragon Girl and Monkey King:
"Realism doesn't mean making it look exactly like a picture would, but conveying the air, the feeling, the scene, the taste of the image, and conveying the feeling of the existence of whatever you're drawing."
I suspect Terada is an example of the kind of artist someone was talking about recently when he said "If you want to paint like Waterhouse work from life. If you want to be like a comic book artist use reference." (something to that effect - I forget the actual wording). I think he was trying to knock comic book style work, but it actually gave me some solace, because it means there are definitely artists, and many of them, who haven't worked extensively from life and yet who are widely respected and loved. Many of my favorites are comic book artists or began that way (Frazetta did, though he did some life drawing and his photographic memory and many other gifts make him a special case).
Wednesday, September 3, 2014
"It has to be just uncomfortable enough to make the coolest thing to do be art."
Originally Posted by Jason Manley:
First, you are not trapped in your situation. You can get out of any situation you want if you are willing to take the pain of doing all the things you dont want to do..the long hard way. The fruitful way.
At seventeen I was homeless and orphaned, taking care of my fourteen year old brother who I somehow managed to keep in school. I had dropped out of school. I did two years of wasting time eventually trying to get my head on straight. At nineteen I was homeless again. Scraped together enough money to get my ass to arizona to study art. Got a temp apt to get me through to the end of the month and took a job at subway (applied all over til I found something). The subway job paid enough money to sometimes eat and pay my small studio rental. I went back to school to get my graduation and was working full time (thought I needed to graduate from HS to get into a good college). Trust me...it was fucking painful. I transferred to a community college the following year and slowly got better and better jobs. Worked telemarketing fundraising to afford a 1977 datsun and art supplies. Shittiest job ever but paid double what subway did. Worked three jobs during the summer to get caught up including going to alaska to work the salmon docks across the country. I did not give a shit what it was, if it paid for my goals to be met and didnt involve anything illegal, I did it.
As time went on I realized I needed to arrange my priorities again. I took a night time job so I could exhaust all my energies in my art and studies. Eventually got a job at AT&T...Att this is Jason how may I help you?...I was still far behind those who had life handed to them their whole life. However, I was catching up. In time I realized it was not a chase against others but to only my own race to my goals. Kept the nose down. Chose friends who worked on art or learning always. Ignored the time wasting folk who never will amount to anything other than regular. Grew up around enough of those to realize the difference. After three and a half years I took my first art job and quit my shit job...have lived with and from art ever since.
By the time I was 29 I had achieved every goal I had reached for when I first set out. That is when I realized it was time to set new goals...each time this happens it feels like starting over...get something done..start again...in time your life becomes what you want it to be. Even those of money have to do this if their life involves learning, skill, and growth. It is not money that holds people back...is just their own mind.
The hard part about certain situations is not everyone is told they can do and reach their goals if they just work their ass off starting RIGHT NOW. Some know it and wont work for whatever reason. They listen to that voice that says I want to chill and watch tv or i dont feel like it. Others have addictions or mental issues keeping them from growing and learning. I didnt want to be any of that. I wanted to do cool stuff...to have an interesting life...and to work in a creative way.
Hard manual labor growing up taught me that my mind would rot if I chose that kind of path. I wanted something to use my mind. Bored if not...and with boredom comes making trouble or distraction. Gotta turn that into work ethic...no choice. Carl Dobsky was telling me this about the atelier every day. It has to be just uncomfortable enough to make the coolest thing to do be art. If there is a blaring tv or anything else, than there are other options. Options that keep one from not working to reach their goals.
Complacency is the womb of mediocrity. You clearly are not complacent. So do something about it in every free second of your day. All this wandering around doing not a whole lot but thinking isn't getting you much done. It is however, giving you a taste of life many others would never have the guts to explore. Just dont stay down there too long without coming up for air.
Good luck,
Jason
Read more: http://www.conceptart.org/forums/showthread.php/144069-Words-of-Wisdom-from-Jason-Manley
First, you are not trapped in your situation. You can get out of any situation you want if you are willing to take the pain of doing all the things you dont want to do..the long hard way. The fruitful way.
At seventeen I was homeless and orphaned, taking care of my fourteen year old brother who I somehow managed to keep in school. I had dropped out of school. I did two years of wasting time eventually trying to get my head on straight. At nineteen I was homeless again. Scraped together enough money to get my ass to arizona to study art. Got a temp apt to get me through to the end of the month and took a job at subway (applied all over til I found something). The subway job paid enough money to sometimes eat and pay my small studio rental. I went back to school to get my graduation and was working full time (thought I needed to graduate from HS to get into a good college). Trust me...it was fucking painful. I transferred to a community college the following year and slowly got better and better jobs. Worked telemarketing fundraising to afford a 1977 datsun and art supplies. Shittiest job ever but paid double what subway did. Worked three jobs during the summer to get caught up including going to alaska to work the salmon docks across the country. I did not give a shit what it was, if it paid for my goals to be met and didnt involve anything illegal, I did it.
As time went on I realized I needed to arrange my priorities again. I took a night time job so I could exhaust all my energies in my art and studies. Eventually got a job at AT&T...Att this is Jason how may I help you?...I was still far behind those who had life handed to them their whole life. However, I was catching up. In time I realized it was not a chase against others but to only my own race to my goals. Kept the nose down. Chose friends who worked on art or learning always. Ignored the time wasting folk who never will amount to anything other than regular. Grew up around enough of those to realize the difference. After three and a half years I took my first art job and quit my shit job...have lived with and from art ever since.
By the time I was 29 I had achieved every goal I had reached for when I first set out. That is when I realized it was time to set new goals...each time this happens it feels like starting over...get something done..start again...in time your life becomes what you want it to be. Even those of money have to do this if their life involves learning, skill, and growth. It is not money that holds people back...is just their own mind.
The hard part about certain situations is not everyone is told they can do and reach their goals if they just work their ass off starting RIGHT NOW. Some know it and wont work for whatever reason. They listen to that voice that says I want to chill and watch tv or i dont feel like it. Others have addictions or mental issues keeping them from growing and learning. I didnt want to be any of that. I wanted to do cool stuff...to have an interesting life...and to work in a creative way.
Hard manual labor growing up taught me that my mind would rot if I chose that kind of path. I wanted something to use my mind. Bored if not...and with boredom comes making trouble or distraction. Gotta turn that into work ethic...no choice. Carl Dobsky was telling me this about the atelier every day. It has to be just uncomfortable enough to make the coolest thing to do be art. If there is a blaring tv or anything else, than there are other options. Options that keep one from not working to reach their goals.
Complacency is the womb of mediocrity. You clearly are not complacent. So do something about it in every free second of your day. All this wandering around doing not a whole lot but thinking isn't getting you much done. It is however, giving you a taste of life many others would never have the guts to explore. Just dont stay down there too long without coming up for air.
Good luck,
Jason
Read more: http://www.conceptart.org/forums/showthread.php/144069-Words-of-Wisdom-from-Jason-Manley
I bolded the line near the end (also the title) because it relates to something I posted recently, the idea of drawing or painting compulsively. When I used to do that it was to escape something that I found uncomfortable. Maybe compulsive is the wrong word, because if it was a true compulsion I suppose I'd do it all the time with no need for some unpleasant situation to trigger it. Maybe it's time to cancel cable and limit internet severely. Both serve mainly as time wasting distractions with the occasional moment of interest or importance, and I know I wouldn't miss them much once they're gone, aside from then not having a convenient way to waste time. This is exactly the reason I never allowed myself to get into video games - I knew I'd be spending all my time doing that. But hell, now it's spent staring at monitors anyway.
Tuesday, September 2, 2014
Some good talk about drawing from life
Even though I'm still not drawing or painting again, I've been looking in over at CA every day, not wanting to lose touch. And today I discovered an amazing thread - Jeff's Observations on Drawing from Life. You hear it all the time, all over the board, but never in any detail, mostly people just say "draw from life" and that's it, or maybe "Draw an egg in a shadow box, with a single light source". Nobody ever really explains why, or how. I suspect the ones saying it have all heard this kind of stuff quite a bit and are tired of repeating it. But I find it incredibly inspiring to actually find a thread where it's all explained in great detail. Now I'm wanting to get back to drawing from life again. As frustrating as it is.
I'll paste the OP in here, with links above and below to the actual thread:
There have been a lot of good discussions and questions about the "hows" and "whys" of drawing from life recently so I thought I would share my own personal experiences and observations. This thread is inspired by my friend Dpaint's excellent "Drawing from Life Survival Guide" (http://www.conceptart.org/forums/sho...p?t=178075)and I hope it will complement his thoughts. For many this will be familiar, but for others just beginning their journey I hope it provides some insight.
1: It's hard...
But, what's harder is not being able to do it. What I mean is yes, it is super frustrating sometimes, very challenging, very humbling, a hassle - all that stuff. But you just have to get through that. Every figurative artist down through history has those same frustrations and humbling experiences in common. Cool to think that if you could sit down with Rembrandt or Sargent at the pub you could trade stories about how agonizing it all is. It gets easier...but still no less humbling.
2: It is still the best way.
As challenging and difficult as it is at first, it is still the best way to go about developing your skills as an artist. It's hard to see that at first because the progress is agonizingly slow...but once you begin to see improvement you begin to develop some confidence and at least awareness that you're on the right track. That reinforces itself and pretty soon you're tearing it up...
3: Why is it the best way?
When you work from life your entire being, focus, whatever, goes into the process of observation and translation. As the artist you are making all of the decisions, measurements and marks that go into making or translating what you see and feel into two dimensions. That is an entirely different experience from copying an image/photo that has all of those decisions and observations already made for you. It might be like the difference between learning to play the guitar, trying to get that A-minor chord change, twisting your fingers all around in painful ways...practicing that chord over and over - then building it into a progression...as opposed to playing Guitar Hero. Eventually you can work quite well from photo reference - but not until you know what you're doing.
4: So what is it?
Drawing from life simply means observing and drawing anything that isn't already translated into two dimensions. So drawing from life includes still life, landscape and architecture sketching, etc. The term "life drawing" refers more specifically to studying the figure - usually the familiar nude in a studio setting, but can include the portrait, drawing animals at the zoo, people in public, etc.
5: Shift awareness
Try to shift your awareness to the deeper or more "core" aspects of art and away from just subject. Oddly enough the deeper aspects are also the fundamental principles (at least from a technical point of view - I'm not talking about deeper meaning, allegory, symbology, etc.). If you can learn to see and depict visual fundamentals well from life - then you have the ability to do the same in your more fantastic visions - if yo ucan't do it from life I don't know how you would do it from imagination. Basically if your ideas and visions are important to you then learn how to execute them well.
6: Fundamentals...what should you be looking for
These are the fundamentals that I feel are important:
Composition - this is the foundation of your piece
Drawing - accurate shape, form, perspective, proportion, angle, curve, etc.
Value - good value range and pattern with careful observation of form vs cast shadow and reflected light
Texture - surface quality of the subject or element within the subject
Edges - what is the quality of the edge you are observing/drawing - is is hard/crisp - soft/fuzzy - high contrast - gentle in transition of form, etc.
Balance - by this I mean a balance of all the variety of elements you have to work with - one of my mentors called it the "dialog of opposites" - some rich detail here but not everywhere - bold line vs. soft or lost - curve vs. straight, etc.
Color - but that gets into painting so another time...
7: Correct drawing
There is a reason that any time you see a studio class or people painting in the field they are standing at easels (sitting at an easel or drawing bench is ok too - but not quite as good). There are a few reasons this is the best approach: 1) it allows you the freedom of movement to be expressive and to draw from the shoulder; 2) it allows you to step a good distance away from your work to analyze composition, massing, value structure, etc.
8: Sight Measuring...how to compare and translate
This is the real key to working from life - sight measuring. It is simple but it isn't discussed much - basically you hold your pencil or a thin stick out at arms length, sight with one eye closed and using your thumb as a mark measure how tall/wide something is in comparison to something else. Translate that same scale information to your drawing. This is how you judge proportion, height, scale, etc. For angles you can hold your pencil in line with the angle (but keep it flat to the picture plane) and just move your hand over to your drawing to get teh right angle.
9: Still Life practice
You can really improve by practicing the still life on your own. Set up a small space somewhere that you can set a few objects on - light it with a strong light and try to minimize secondary or ambient light. I like to have students start with one object - draw it for one hour - the next session add one object - draw this for one hour - add a third object - and so on. Still life is fun because you have the most control over it and you can do all kinds of creative things with it - use objects you're interested in or provide a challenge you want to observe. You can practice drapery/folds the same way.
10: Recommended books and resources
I recommend these all the time:
"Drawing Essentials" by Deborah Rockman - best book on observational drawing and not terribly expensive
"Drawing Scenery: Landscapes and Seascapes" by Jack Hamm - great book on composition and "environments"
"Imaginitive Realism" by James Gurney - not a technique book but a great book on professional, creative illustration practice
Jim Gurney's blog: http://gurneyjourney.blogspot.com/ Jim created Dinotopia and is a National Geographic illustrator
I hope this helps answer a few questions on the "hows and whys" of drawing from life.
This is just some personal background stuff about why I'm so passionate about working from life...feel free to ignore...
A: Why do people push it so hard?
Well, I know I do, as does dpaint and most pros you talk to or read. For me the reason is simple: I wasted far too many years thinking I didn't need to draw or paint from life and I want to try to help others avoid my mistake. Here's why I avoided it: when I first tried "life drawing" in college I sucked. Hard. I was embarassed. So I avoided it for years - after all, I was a "fantasy and science fiction" artist. I drew and painted fantastic, imaginary people, places and things. The problem was I did it quite poorly.
B: Eventually...
I began to realize that I needed to get really serious about becoming the artist I had always wanted to be. The first step for me was to list and analyze all my favorite artists/illustrators. I broke them down into groups mainly around the media they use and the genre they paint in. Then I tried to figure out what they had in common - a pattern emerged - my list was 90% oil painters. So I knew there must be something about painting in oil that allowed them to work in a way that spoke to me. They were all over the place as far as technique - but they were all oil painters. They were also all very traditional in their approach and they worked from life.
C: Now I knew...
What I had to do - I had to work from life and figure out how to paint in oil.
Remember #1? It's hard? And #5? How I sucked? Repeat. Only a lot worse.
I'm trying to work through it...
Read more: http://www.conceptart.org/forums/showthread.php/178087-Jeff-s-Observations-on-Drawing-from-Life/page2#ixzz3CDZNCHBb
Sunday, August 31, 2014
Transition point - steaming soul dump
Haven't drawn or painted anything in 2 weeks now - after finishing that last one I developed an aversion to it. I suspect it was because my eye leapfrogged past my hand once again (referring back to Sycra Yasin's eye/hand development idea). When I worked out the new painting approach my hand improved (ability to make art), and when that happens you feel excellent - on top of the world for a while, like you can do anything. But very soon afterward your eye develops (ability to see your mistakes) and then you feel awful, like you totally suck and just somehow couldn't see it before. That's where I'm at now.
I believe breaks are beneficial, as long as they don't turn into stagnant periods. But only at certain times - and this is one of them. It's a transition in several ways - I've now spent a good few months on Conceptart, immersed in a world of artists all working hard and discussing art and growth etc - this has been a totally different experience to anything I've had before. So much more powerful than the time at the community college, which felt like kindergarten or day-care with no guidance and people just sitting in class talking for the most part (not about art) and doing all the work at home.
I also feel like I went from being a big fish in a small pond to being a tiny plankton in the vast ocean. I've always been one of the better artists in any group I've been a part of - in fact at the college was the only place I've been exposed to better artists, and that was only 3 or 4 people and like I said we didn't talk shop. But this has been deeply humbling. I'm like one of the worst noobs on the site - well, not counting the beginners.
Also I was deeply stricken by one thing. When I made a thread asking about tutorials for constructive painting, one of the top dogs told me he looked through my work and can't see any evidence that I understand the human figure at all. Or to be more specific, that I've spent any time drawing it from life, which is how you come to understand it. I was pretty dumbfounded at first, but I know not to just blow off something said by one of the best artists on CA, who was atelier trained. These guys really know what they're talking about, so I thanked him and tried to wrap my mind around what he had said. It was like a zen koan that I meditated on for a day or 2, looking at my Flickr gallery.
And suddenly I could see it.
The parts don't really mesh together properly, and are somewhat oddly formed. Somehow I had learned not to see that. All my understanding of the figure comes entirely from anatomy books, no life drawing (well, about 4 or 5 sketches). But now I can see it, and it's all I can see when I look at my art. Now I feel like some foolish little kid who's been imagining he's much better than he actually is, and presenting his crappy scribbles on Conceptart as if they're something to be proud of, when they more rightly belong on mom's refrigerator.
And I know the only way to improve is to keep going. I know I need to get back to it. But really I feel like the only way is to get into life drawing class, and to spend several years there. Massive setback! Well, not really, but at least a setback in my hopes - I was hoping to reach an acceptable pro level in a couple of years, but that's obviously out the window now.
I'm still hopeful I can get there in time and hopefully supplement my income that way, and maybe in 5 or 10 years even make it my primary source. But now something different is happening. Till now it was mostly desperation driving me - 'I need to learn this fast so I can start working in a couple of years'. Now I feel like, even if I can't ever do it for a living, I still want to be able to paint like a pro. It isn't just for the money now - it's actually a bucket list thing. I really can't see living my entire life out without becoming an artist of pro caliber. It's what I always imagined, looking at Frazettas and all the other art that sustained me through my adolescence and all the way to the present.
I think I'm still waiting for some of the distaste of those ugly revelations to fade enough that this aversion leaves me and I want to draw and paint again. It's fading pretty well now. It's like some poison that got injected into my brain and disabled me for a period, but it's losing its effect now.
I also feel like a break now is good because I need to switch up the way I've been doing things. There's something too academic about the work I've been doing for my Conceptart period - I need to get away from that environment now for a while at least, clear my head, but not lose sight of the amazing ideas I picked up there. When I'm posting my work immediately after finishing it I always feel like my studio is a small glass booth on the sidewalk in Times Square or something, like the general public is filing past and watching my every move and thought. That's a very inhibiting feeling for me, and I want to just disappear into my sanctum and work unhindered by such ideas. Though I'm pretty sure I'll still be posting here - it's different since I don't get any comments here and I know hardly anybody ever looks at this blog. It doesn't feel public.
I believe breaks are beneficial, as long as they don't turn into stagnant periods. But only at certain times - and this is one of them. It's a transition in several ways - I've now spent a good few months on Conceptart, immersed in a world of artists all working hard and discussing art and growth etc - this has been a totally different experience to anything I've had before. So much more powerful than the time at the community college, which felt like kindergarten or day-care with no guidance and people just sitting in class talking for the most part (not about art) and doing all the work at home.
I also feel like I went from being a big fish in a small pond to being a tiny plankton in the vast ocean. I've always been one of the better artists in any group I've been a part of - in fact at the college was the only place I've been exposed to better artists, and that was only 3 or 4 people and like I said we didn't talk shop. But this has been deeply humbling. I'm like one of the worst noobs on the site - well, not counting the beginners.
Also I was deeply stricken by one thing. When I made a thread asking about tutorials for constructive painting, one of the top dogs told me he looked through my work and can't see any evidence that I understand the human figure at all. Or to be more specific, that I've spent any time drawing it from life, which is how you come to understand it. I was pretty dumbfounded at first, but I know not to just blow off something said by one of the best artists on CA, who was atelier trained. These guys really know what they're talking about, so I thanked him and tried to wrap my mind around what he had said. It was like a zen koan that I meditated on for a day or 2, looking at my Flickr gallery.
And suddenly I could see it.
The parts don't really mesh together properly, and are somewhat oddly formed. Somehow I had learned not to see that. All my understanding of the figure comes entirely from anatomy books, no life drawing (well, about 4 or 5 sketches). But now I can see it, and it's all I can see when I look at my art. Now I feel like some foolish little kid who's been imagining he's much better than he actually is, and presenting his crappy scribbles on Conceptart as if they're something to be proud of, when they more rightly belong on mom's refrigerator.
And I know the only way to improve is to keep going. I know I need to get back to it. But really I feel like the only way is to get into life drawing class, and to spend several years there. Massive setback! Well, not really, but at least a setback in my hopes - I was hoping to reach an acceptable pro level in a couple of years, but that's obviously out the window now.
I'm still hopeful I can get there in time and hopefully supplement my income that way, and maybe in 5 or 10 years even make it my primary source. But now something different is happening. Till now it was mostly desperation driving me - 'I need to learn this fast so I can start working in a couple of years'. Now I feel like, even if I can't ever do it for a living, I still want to be able to paint like a pro. It isn't just for the money now - it's actually a bucket list thing. I really can't see living my entire life out without becoming an artist of pro caliber. It's what I always imagined, looking at Frazettas and all the other art that sustained me through my adolescence and all the way to the present.
I think I'm still waiting for some of the distaste of those ugly revelations to fade enough that this aversion leaves me and I want to draw and paint again. It's fading pretty well now. It's like some poison that got injected into my brain and disabled me for a period, but it's losing its effect now.
I also feel like a break now is good because I need to switch up the way I've been doing things. There's something too academic about the work I've been doing for my Conceptart period - I need to get away from that environment now for a while at least, clear my head, but not lose sight of the amazing ideas I picked up there. When I'm posting my work immediately after finishing it I always feel like my studio is a small glass booth on the sidewalk in Times Square or something, like the general public is filing past and watching my every move and thought. That's a very inhibiting feeling for me, and I want to just disappear into my sanctum and work unhindered by such ideas. Though I'm pretty sure I'll still be posting here - it's different since I don't get any comments here and I know hardly anybody ever looks at this blog. It doesn't feel public.
Friday, August 22, 2014
Mark Brunet inspiration
Maybe another burst of video inspiration will break my stasis. Actually I think I screwed up the possibility though with terrible timing - it's way late and I need to crash - by tomorrow the inspiration will be stale. Or maybe not - I'll watch it again and/or maybe find more vid-insp.
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